People with Low Self Esteem

Was today going thru Shiv Khera's 'You Can Win' again. Was compelled to post the features of people with low self-esteem.


I have many relatives who take the world as described in the lines below.

I never realized these traits were due to low self esteem!!



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From Shiv Khera's You Can Win :



People with poor self-esteem judge a person's worth by his possessions, not by who he  
is. They constantly look at what kind of car you are driving, what kind of home you live in,
what kind of clothes and jewelry you wear. They forget that people make things, and not
vice versa. People with poor self esteem place more emphasis on net worth than self
worth. Their lives revolve around ads and fads.


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How do we recognize poor self-esteem? What are the behavior patterns of a person with


poor self-esteem? The following is a brief list, which is not all inclusive but is indicative.

¨ They are generally gossip mongers.

¨ They have a critical nature. They criticize as if there is a contest going on and they

have to win a prize.

¨ They have high egos they are arrogant and believe they know it all.

People with low self-esteem are generally difficult to work with and for. They tear

down others to get a feeling of superiority.

¨ They are closed minded and self-centered.

¨ They constantly make excuses--always justifying failures.
They never accept responsibility--always blaming others.


¨ They have a fatalistic attitude no initiative and always waiting for things to happen.

¨ They are jealous by nature.

¨ They are unwilling to accept positive criticism. They become defensive.

¨ They are bored and uncomfortable when alone.

¨ Poor self-esteem leads to breakdown in decency. People with low self-esteem don't

know where to draw the line--where decency stops and vulgarity starts.
¨ They make promises they know they are not going to keep. Unkept promises lead to loss of

credibility. A person with high self esteem would prefer loss of business than loss of

credibility because they realize that one cannot put a price on one's credibility.

¨ Their behavior is senseless and erratic. They swing from one end of the pendulum to

another. They may be all sugar and honey today but the same people may be out to

cut your throat tomorrow. They lack balance.

¨ They are touchy in nature--this is called the fragile ego. Anytime something is said, a

person with a fragile ego takes it personally and gets hurt. It leads to dejection.
 
1. They constantly seek approval and validation from others. Seeking approval is


different from seeking a second opinion, which really means consultation.

4. Lack of assertiveness. People with low self esteem are not willing to stand up for their

belief. On the other hand, being unduly aggressive is also a sign of poor self-esteem.

Being aggressive in situations that require compassion does not amount to

assertiveness.

5. A lack of confidence results in conformist behavior. If everybody is doing it, then so

should I. Every day we see people giving in to peer pressure, knowing full well what

they are doing could be detrimental yet they do it to be accepted. People with low self-

esteem go along to get along. They are looking for outside validation because they

lack confidence in themselves.

6. Keeping up with the Joneses--pretense

When people try to keep up with the Joneses, they spend money they haven't earned,

they buy things they don't need, and they try to impress people they don't like.

7. Nonconformist or attention-seeking behavior.

In order to gain attention, people with poor self esteem might do senseless things just

to stand out and be noticed. They get a kick and a sense of importance from

perversion. Some people choose to do wrong and be wrong just to be deferent and

gain attention. Examples are people who brag excessively, the classroom clown, etc.

¨ They rebel against authority. I make a distinction between rebelling out of the courage

of one's convictions and rebelling because of poor self esteem. All the great world

leaders, such as Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King and Abraham Lincoln, were

rebels. They rebel against authority out of the courage of their convictions; a person

with low self-esteem rebels against authority just because it is authority, even when

the authority is right.

¨ They are anti-social and may be withdrawn.
 
They lack a sense of direction and have an "I don't care" attitude which is reflected in


their behavior. They have a hard time giving or receiving compliments. In giving, they

feel they might be misconstrued and in receiving they feel they are undeserving.

¨ Too much emphasis on material things

¨ They are takers, not givers.